Die, Die, or live with yourself
by Suffering Angel
Summary: Haunted by his actions, a Knight of Gold is dying inside. In a desperate attempt to save the young man's soul and sanity, King Richard brings the one person he thinks can help. But will she be enough? Angela/Duran


I DON'T OWN SEIKEN DENSETSU 3! WWWWHHHHAAAAAA!!! ;;;_;;;

Angela: now look what you've done, you made her cry!

Carlie: meanies! *spins flail over head, flail too big, falls over* I've fallen and I can't get up.

Angela: ^^;; on with the fic!

Die, Die, or live with yourself.

Duran's sword came down in a swift movement, knocking his opponent off balance. Other knights cheered at his display of skills. However, the new Knight of Gold simply collected his things and left the training hall. His comrades looked at him with sympathy, yet not one of them knew why a Knight of Gold could be so blue.

'They can't understand, none of them can.'

Duran sighed as he made his way to his chambers. A maid stopped him.

"Sir Duran, his majesty requests your presence as soon as possible."

"Does that leave me time for a shower?"

"That would be well advised."

Duran stepped out of his chamber wearing his formal golden armor.

'I just hope there's nothing wrong.'

He quickly made his way to the throne room and bowed.

"You asked for me, your highness?"

"Rise, Duran."

King Richard sighed as he looked into Duran's eyes. Being like a second father to the young swordsman, King Richard could tell something was wrong. In Duran's body language, in the way he spoke, the tone of his voice… But mainly his eyes. King Richard had seen those eyes glow with rage, hate, love, joy, you name it, it was there. But now, King Richard saw nothing. There wasn't a glow at all.

"Duran, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, your highness."

Richard sighed again. What could've been that awful that Duran was keeping back from him?

"Duran, if this is about your father…"

"If your majesty has no need for me, I shall go back to training."

Duran looked at the window, determined not to make eye contact.

Richard decided not to sigh again. It was getting old.

"I do have a need for you, Duran."

He signaled a servant behind Duran and that left. Duran looked back at the kind curiously.

"What's the point of this?"

"You will know soon enough."

Duran felt like he should not look away from his king, however, instinct demanded that he looked at the direction of the footsteps he was hearing. Instinct won.

"Who…"

"DURAN!"

At first the identity of the woman who just jumped at him and hugged him tightly was a mistery to him. However, her voice, her purple hair, he even went as far as recognizing the scent of her perfume.

"An, Angela!"

"You bet your @$$ it's me!"

He hugged her back warmly for a few seconds until he heard someone clearing his throat. Or rather, HER throat. 

"Oh. Good morning, your highness."

He let go of Angela immiditly and bowed. Angela giggled and playfully hit his head.

"Get up silly, it's just my mother! Not like the two of you don't know each other!"

"Hello, Duran. And like Angela said, no need to bow. You're practically family!"

Duran just nodded silently and Angela looked at him funny. Richard was quite happy to see that the young princess noticed that something was wrong with Duran.

"Say, Angela dear, could you and Duran leave Richard and I alone? We need to talk."

"This late in the afternoon?! And you've just gotten here, and…"

Duran stopped when he felt Angela's hand creep into his.

"All right, mother. Duran, walk with me?"

He looked into her green-blue eyes, and nodded. Wordlessly, they left the throne room. 

King Richard allowed himself to sigh again.

"Think she might get it out of him, Richard?"

"If anyone can, it's our little Princess. Did you tell her yet?"

Valda shook her head and looked back to King Richard.

"But I will."

"When?"

Valda shrugged, and that was it.

"Wow, no wonder they call it the Molebear Highlands! If I knew it'd be this cold I'd have taken a coat with me instead of just this silly dress!"

"That dress isn't silly."

Angela smiled at Duran and he looked away, blushing. She was wearing a knee-long white dress with long silk sleeves. However, it provided no protection of the chill of late autumn.

"So, tell me, Duran, what did you do this time that forced King Richard to drag my mother and I all the way from Altena?"

Duran glared at her.

"And what do you mean by that?!"

She giggled.

"Come on, Duran, I'm teasing ya!"

She looked at him, yet he just turned to look at the now setting sun. Angela's face twisted with concern as she once again noticed it. Duran was watching one of nature's greatest displays of beauty, yet he seemed to be looking beyond it. She shook her head.

"Duran, please tell me you're over it."

"I'm over it."

"Look me in the eye and say it again. WHILE you're looking me in the eye, that is."

He did look her in the eye, and seemed to want to say something. Yet he closed his mouth and looked at the sunset again.

At this point Angela was pissed off.

"WILL YOU LISTEN?!"

She smacked him in the head, and he didn't even seem to care.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH _YOU?!_"

"OBVIOUSLY LESS THAN WITH YOU, SINCE I'M STILL COMUNICATING WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD!"

Duran tried to think of a reply, but when that didn't come, he turned back to watching the sunset wordlessly.

"Fine! You may not speak to me but you'll at least hear what I have to say."

Angela took a deep breath. Ever since King Richard asked her and her mother to come to Forcena, she knew she'd have to do this. She had written it down, hoping to get it right. She had made dozens of drafts, recited it, thought about what to say. So here she was, standing in front of him, clueless. 

"Duran, talk to me."

There were a few silent minutes in which the sun went farther down and the sky turned orange and red.

She turned to look at the sunrise, allowing Duran to look at her, without making eye contact.

"I think we both know what this is about…"

"Do we?"

She kept looking at the sunset, and he stared at his feet.

"Angela, you were there. You know what happened…"

"I know what happened to me. I can imagine what happened to Kevin. But what happened to you… As if."

Their eyes met, and for a moment, Angela thought she saw a tear in Duran's eye.

"Do you really think this will help?"

"Humor me."

"… I… I found him, Angela. I finally found my father, alive and, well, rather well after 12 years. And I killed him."

He looked at her, and she could feel that his anger was rising.

"So?"

"So?.. SO?! DO YOU EVEN GET WHAT I JUST SAID?!"

She smiled weakly.

'At least he's showing SOME emotion now!'

"I get it loud and clear."

"So what DON'T you get?"

"Why you're beating yourself up over it."

He glared at her and she continued quickly. She knew that if she waited even a second later, he'll close again, bottle it up, and wait for it to kill him on the inside. She couldn't let that happen.

"Duran, you did good. You did good, choosing, I won't say best, but the lesser of three evil choices!"

"Which were? Let's see, surrender? I bet the Dragon Emperor would've at least gave us a swift death. Maybe even a nice life, if we stayed out of his way…"

"As if! He'd savor killing us slowly for even thinking about going after him! His ego would never allow otherwise!"

'This is worse than I thought, he actually thinks that it would've been better to surrender?!'

"Ok. Next option. Join them. What would've been wrong with that? Huh?!"

"For starters, YOU turned the Darkshine's Knight offer to join him. Not me, not Kevin. We didn't force you to say no. And even if you agreed, or if we all agreed… Once that maniac would've gotten his way, he would've killed us. Either that, or he'd… He'd have done to us what he did… what he did to Koren…"

Duran looked at Angela's face to see several tears falling. He didn't know the exact nature of the relationship between the two, but he knew that they were at least friends.

"So you see?"

Angela said, without bothering to wipe her tears.

"It was either we give up, and die, join up with him, and die, or live with it."

"Yeah, well, right now option three sounds the worst, and…"

Her hand came down on his cheek and he took a few steps backwards, more from the shock and surprise than the actual hurt. Not that it didn't hurt, mind you.

"You selfish brat! I can't believe I once looked up to you!"

His eyes widened.

"YOU?! You looked up to me?!"

"Why not?! A mercenary from the grassland Forcena, answering to King Richard himself, on a quest to avenge his honor and make his deceased father proud, while constantly worried about his aunt and sister. What's not to adore?"

He felt a slight blush creep to his cheeks. That is, to the one that wasn't already red from Angela slapping it.

"But now look at you. A pathetic thing, drowning in self pity over something that you had no control over. But this isn't just you here, Duran. You saved the world. THE WORLD, can you even imagine it? Think, how many people are in Forcena alone?"

"Um, several hundreds of thousands?"

"And how many countries are there in the world? And places not related to kingdoms? Huh? You helped save them all, Duran!"

"What difference does it make if I couldn't even save my own father…"

"BUT YOU DID, DURAN! Loki himself thanked you for it! He's free, you saved him!"

"Yeah, but…"

"But what?! All right, tell me, what could you have possibly done to save him?!"

Duran's face fell.

"Nothing."

"Then why beat yourself up over it?"

"Because I should've done something!"

"Like?"

"Stop asking it!"

"I won't, not until you realize that that's the truth, dammit!"

They were both silent, as the sun sent it's final rays and disappeared.

"Duran, it was either die, die, or live with it. Face it. And I think that your father thinks so too. He said so himself. He THANKED you for choosing like you did."

Duran wouldn't look at her, but she knew by the soft shaking of his body and the choked sobs that she's gotten to him.

"Oh, no, don't… Oh come here you."

The two embraced under the final ray of sunlight, and a Knight of Gold watched from the clouds and smiled, knowing that now his son will be able to move on in life.

A/N: EXPECT THIS THING TO BE REWRITTEN!


End file.
